I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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