So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Randomize
