dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
