What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
