someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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