Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Randomize
