im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
