if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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