So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
