I just cut my nipple shaving
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
