she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
she peed on how many people?
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
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