So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
