your thong is hanging out like whoa
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
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