you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
