my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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