the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Randomize
