this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Randomize
