textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
