I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
