Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize