He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
