I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
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