she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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