Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
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