ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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