i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
