So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
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