Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
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