I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize
