Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Randomize
