How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
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