Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
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