So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
