My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
