i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Randomize
