kristin has been a bad kristin
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Randomize
