mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I can't put those talents on a resume
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Randomize
