In the future we'll all be gay
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
