some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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