the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
