Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
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