I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
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