i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
