then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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