Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
