I love black thongs
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
