I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
We talked him into tasing himself.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
