I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Randomize
