Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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