im drinking this country out of the recession.
vagina is talking i cant
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Congratulations! We have a period
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
