1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
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