This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize