just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
