it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize