I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
