you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
