fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
