I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
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