just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Randomize
