I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
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