you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
