What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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